He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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