i permit you to call me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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