...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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