I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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