He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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