just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
