I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
