Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
