He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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