easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
