When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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