so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
