They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
