Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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