NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
