so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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