I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
