i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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