Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
