literally had 100 drinks last night.
no, he came in my armpit
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
