Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
