party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
