is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize