dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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