the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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