Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize