The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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