Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
