He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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