Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize