This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
