everyone is single if you try hard enough
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
