Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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