Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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