i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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