Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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