do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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