when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
they need to just BURY HIM!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
