Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
