He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
