I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
