are you still at the devil's house?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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