turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
