I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and she was petting her beer can
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize