In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
