Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize