he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
