A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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