That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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