first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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