dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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