About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
