Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
