so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
