Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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