It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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