I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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