I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
