All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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