she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
