I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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