How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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