I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
