I cockslap morals
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
