Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
