im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
