Betty ford says i'm here all night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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