Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
