I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
