Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize