ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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