I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need moral support for this bender
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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