why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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