god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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