i would punch a child for taco bell
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nutella sex= disaster
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
